This description may be familiar:
It’s as if everything is moving in slow motion – you feel totally spaced out, clumsy and can’t think straight. Your mouth is as dry as the bottom of a bird cage and at times it’s difficult to catch your breath.
The final call arrives and when you stand up to walk from the green room to the stage wings, your hands shake as you grasp onto your instrument for dear life. You worry you’re going to faint as you experience lightheadedness with your legs apparently metamorphosing into useless lumps of jelly.
The above scenario is the classical musician’s worst nightmare and if repeated often enough can lead to a talented performer abandoning the profession altogether.
Interestingly, you’ll find similar symptoms equally prominent in definitions of:
- stage-fright – actors
- glossophobia – speakers/presenters
- social anxiety disorder and agoraphobia – fear of crowds and unfamiliar places
- panic disorder
At its heart, performance anxiety is nothing more than a manifestation of fear and if you take away nothing else from this mini-guide, I strongly recommend that you deal with any early indications of anxiety that you or others notice in yourself – performance related or not – as soon as practical.
Ignore the warning signs at your peril!
I was eventually forced into a situation where I had no choice but to deal with compounded layers and decades of indifference to anxiety, which had long ceased to be confined purely to my music career and had spilled over into all other parts of my life with disastrous results.
In my experience, amongst many other conditions which have their roots in anxiety, successful self-help depends not on some magic pill but tackling the problem in a holistic manner.
Prescription medicine may well ease physical symptoms but it doesn’t deal with the cause which I argue you will have to confront at some point or other. Why not now?
Mind – Emotions – Body – Emotions – Mind
Before I start presenting suggestions as to how to tackle performance anxiety, if you aren’t familiar with the natural cycle of mind – emotions – body it will help you to grasp some basic principals.
Mind
Gautama Siddhartha – who most people identify as the Buddha – said, “All that we are is the result of what we have thought”. You may also have heard the phrase “Thoughts become things” and “Be careful what you wish for”.
The theory is that what you dwell upon in your mind eventually ends up materializing -actually coming true.
For example:
You’re so petrified of an upcoming audition that you play endless negative outcomes in your head. A-day arrives and hey presto, your visualization becomes reality.
Explanation:
You’ve been practicing or programming to fail, not succeed.
Emotions
Whilst it’s true that emotions have their base in your character and personality, mood and attitude play a big role in what you actually experience. Mood and attitude emanate from the thoughts which inhabit your mind.
For example:
It’s the day of the competition that you’ve been patiently working towards for months. You’re well prepared, are confident and feel on top form. That morning, you fail to hear your alarm clock, oversleep, fall over the cat, find you’ve run out of milk for your coffee, dash into shower and then discover there’s no hot water.
Running two hours late, there’s no time for your planned exercise session so you set about some gentle practice and promptly break your best reed (or similar). What are you thinking at this point? How’s your mood and emotional state?
Explanation:
Shit happens – sometimes seemingly without explanation. Unfortunately you’re not Harry Potter and have to accept that you are incapable of changing anything that has already occurred.
However, the final outcome of the above example i.e., the result of the competition is still open. Only your reaction – what you think and feel about a negative chain of events – will determine whether you play your best or not.
Body
Physical expression – the body – is the ultimate destination for emotion.
Deny your emotions or harbor negative thoughts and your body will let you know by protesting rather loudly with varying sensations of discomfort.
Example:
In the few days leading up to a performance, your usually relaxed body tenses up so much – especially your shoulders – that it becomes quite painful to play.
Explanation:
Given that no over-practice has taken place, I’d say this is a good illustration of an underlying subconscious anxiety and fear which needs to be addressed.
El Moto Perpetuo
Having read thus far, are you thinking “Has this woman completely lost it?” or “What an earth is Harrington bleating on about – all this woo-woo nonsense?”
OK – coming swiftly back to planet earth – here’s a simple illustration of the same natural cycle that everyone will understand in no-nonsense language:
Our lives begin in the mind of an individual with a single thought; this leads to the emotion – desire – and ultimately in the expression of a physical act – sex.
It’s that mind-emotion-body connection. Even the most cynical cannot deny it exists so I propose that if you are keen to get your performance anxiety under control, you learn how to harness that cycle in a positive way to replace the negative.
Believe me, changing how you think about yourself and view performance situations will alter how you feel and that will then translate to a more relaxed body.
Incidentally, the cycle can also work in reverse – taking physical exercise or engaging in activity such as yoga will improve your emotional state and provoke more positive thought patterns.
Experiment and find what works for you but remember that the relationship between mind-emotions-body-emotions-mind is a complete circle. It’s for this reason that you must deal with it on all fronts and not focus purely on a single part.
Separating Out Performance and Ability Test Anxiety
When I was a student I somehow managed to convince myself that preparation for auditions and competitions was no different to performances.
There was one thing that I couldn’t quite figure out – although I never seemed to have much of a problem with recitals and concertos, my body seemed to go into some sort of paralysis whenever I was faced with the scenario of what amounted to a musical ability test.
This is because competitions and auditions demand a different mindset and group of skills.
If you identify with my former situation, the one I described earlier – then I suggest your problem may be rooted in a fear of the unknown and control – or rather, your lack of it.
Should you feel anxious in any type of performance situation and not just in a test situation, that’s a sign of a more generalized condition which I intend to explore first.
Performance
I love everything about performing all the way from the earliest preparation to the day of actual delivery when I feel that rush of adrenaline – the old butterflies in the stomach – as I walk on stage.
As musicians we are incredibly privileged to have the opportunity to not only derive a living from our craft but also re-create anew at every performance.
Here are some of the reasons why I personally find performing is a more relaxed affair than standing an audition or competition:
- You have nothing to prove to anybody apart from yourself – you are in control.
- The performance process is known and familiar
- The audience provides feedback on your playing with hopefully rapturous applause!
- It’s unlikely that you’ll receive a harsh verbal critique the moment the music has finished.
- There’s no competition from other musicians.
- If your gig is a paid one, there is little immediate pressure as to the outcome.
Quick Tips for Tackling Performance Anxiety
#1. Take regular exercise – at least 30 minutes of cardio activity e.g., running x3 per week and x2 sessions of weight bearing activity e.g., free weight training
#2. Monitor your alcohol, tobacco (if applicable) and caffeine consumption. Better still, quit both if you’re able
#3. Run a check on your self-esteem. It may be worthwhile seeking out professional help to improve an unhealthy self-image or check out some reputable self-help programs on the Internet
#4. Make sure you schedule enough time pre-event to ensure thorough preparation
#5. Experiment with and use a set pre-performance routine. Mine is based on deep breathing and positive affirmations.
#6. Learn more about the concept of positive “visualization” and use it in the run up to performances
#7. Manage your expectations in a realistic manner. Aiming to deliver a meaningful experience to an audience is very difference goal to turning in an absolutely perfect rendition.
#8. One of the most effective ways of solving chronic performance anxiety is to perform often with successful outcomes – positive reinforcement. For ideas on how you can make this happen, read the appropriate section in Preparation Tactics.
Competitions and Auditions
Not being sure exactly what will happen next, it’s no wonder that otherwise competent musicians “go to pieces” under the stress of a competition or audition situation.
I’ve always loathed auditions myself and enjoyed competitions but maybe that’s because I was programmed to think that gaining an orchestral and/or ensemble position was a necessary evil for survival as opposed to actually being a choice!
Let’s have a look at what can happen in an audition or early rounds of a competition and consider why they can be so nerve-wracking:
- You are in a situation where the nature of the beast is to prove yourself – you are not in control as to the exact chain of events.
- Chances are you’ll be interrupted or asked to play sections of repertoire.
- A panel of adjudicators who are present specifically to evaluate is rather different from an audience who attend primarily for enjoyment.
- Some judges can be undiplomatic and harsh in their assessments.
- It’s common to spend the time waiting your turn in the company of other players who have the same ambition.
- You might well have gone to some expense to attend – entrance fees and travel costs.
Quick Tips for Curbing Competition Jitters and Axing Audition Nerves
#1. Do not attempt a competition or audition unless you already feel comfortable with performing
#2. Choose events that reflect your standard of playing – avoid “overstretching” your abilities
#3. Submit your entry well ahead of the closing date and only if you have the time to adequately prepare
#4. If you fall ill, experience a domestic crisis or find yourself trying to “cram” practice at the last minute, seriously consider pulling out
#5. Look upon the event not as an ability test but a learning opportunity
#6. View any destructive or harsh criticism as “feedback”
#7. Networking with your fellow musicians is far more relaxing than inwardly focusing on any feelings you may have about your own inadequacy
Preparation Tactics
Practice
Performance
#1. Grab every chance you can to perform in front of other people especially those you don’t know well. Note: Domestic pets do not count as an audience!
#2. Don’t forget to practice pieces straight through without stopping whether or not you make any mistakes.
#3. Consider purchasing recorded backing tracks of works you plan to perform. I can recommend the Music-Minus-One series and Dowani International, the latter of which includes slow, medium and performance speed versions of the music.
Auditions/Competitions
#1. When you’re preparing for a judgment day, make sure that you get used to mixing things up during your practice sessions as you might be asked to play your pieces in a different order, perform a particular section on its own or start in the middle of a movement.
#2. Be aware that audition and competition protocol varies in different countries so make sure you do your research. This is not the time to “dare to be different!” Save your impersonation of a classical Lady Gaga for your own performances.
#3. I advise practicing visualization until you’re so competent that you can transport yourself to the Carnegie Hall in your mind whenever you choose.
Repertoire
Performance
#1. Do make sure that you are very familiar with your repertoire and that it’s well within the upper parameters of your level of playing.
I can’t tell you the number of times I performed under-prepared when I was younger (usually the result of too many late nights in the student bar I’m ashamed to say) and can guarantee it will amplify any nervousness one hundred fold.
Here’s another confession: some of the works in the album “Clarinet Notes From France” stretched me way too far after more than two decades away from the profession. Don’t make that mistake, particularly if you are watching your budget and aiming to record in as few sessions as possible.
#2. Avoid programming the most difficult pieces at the beginning of a recital. When you think about it, shows of virtuosity are nearly always placed at the end of a concert or offered as an encore. Why? The initial adrenaline rush and early nervousness is history so you’re far more likely to pull off a stunning performance.
Auditions/Competitions
#1. Whilst many competitions adhere to set works, in some types of auditions you may have free choice which is always a tough call. Within a relatively short space of time, you have the task of demonstrating the full range of your skills so choose repertoire carefully. Imagine you are writing a musical CV.
#2. To a greater or lesser extent – depending on the musical culture where you’re playing – virtuosity on its own is not enough. Don’t forget musicality – expression/feeling. For orchestral or ensemble auditions, the adjudicators are also looking for an ability to blend well with other players.
Logistics
#1. Deal with the practical stuff as far in advance as possible i.e., applications, organizing travel, engaging a collaborative pianist, etc. I’ve always used written lists and/or spreadsheets, methodically working through step by step.
#2. If you are unfamiliar with the location and/or are travelling long distances, I strongly suggest arriving a few days prior to the audition date to case out the joint. This is especially true if your journey involves crossing the globe. Always, always allow for delays – something I’ve learned through bitter experience.
#3. Be prepared for some pretty strange warm up conditions. I’ve found myself tooting away in toilets on a couple of occasions!
P, C or A-Day
Performance
#1. If at all practicable, I like to visit the location ahead of the event date. The familiarization always has a calming effect. Failing that, for an evening’s performance, try and arrange a morning visit and/or rehearsal.
#2. Keep your schedule really light on P-Day. The worst thing you can do is engage in frantic activity prior to the event and turn up to play in the evening like an overcooked potato chip.
#3. Try this:
- Wake up without setting the alarm
- Go for a long walk
- Keep any practice session short and concentrate only on difficult technical passages – avoiding obsession
- Eat a healthy lunch
- Have a siesta
- Spend a few hours relaxing – do something you enjoy that doesn’t expend a lot of energy – reading for example
- Have a light easily digestible snack
- Set off to the performance location
Auditions/Competitions
#1. Arrive in good time to warm up thoroughly but not so early you end up a bundle of nerves.
#2. Do not to eavesdrop on other competitors, however great the temptation and stick to the usual warm up routine even if you think it sounds lame. Keep your focus! Save your impressive performance for when it really matters and fret not about the inevitable presence of a technical whizz kid who happens to be lurking in an adjacent room.
Have you ever heard of the phrase “living in the moment”? That’s an ability I strongly encourage you to develop particularly if you’re keen to enjoy audition success.
#3. It’s difficult I know but with the help of visualization, try to forget about your environment whether you’re playing behind a screen, to what appears to be an empty concert hall or confined to a small room with a dead acoustic. Stop yourself thinking about outcome. Concentrate on performance – the music.
The Aftermath
Performance
#1. If the critics were kind to you and you performed well, rejoice and bask in the glory although remember you are only as good as your last performance
#2. Should the critics be harsh and you produced a sub-par performance, first consider whether those appraisals were justified and secondly think about how you can improve for the next time. A career in music is a lifetime study not a “one-off” happening.
Auditions/Competitions
#1. Remember that you can control a performance but not the outcome of an audition or competition. If you are satisfied that is a positive result. If the reverse is true, then you’ll benefit from analyzing what went wrong and why.
#2. Whether you secured the position you craved or not; whether you were ranked or not, focus on the fact that your experience will be a valuable contribution to your career.
#3. As a musician you have to accept that criticism, whether positive or negative, comes with the territory. If you have any problems dealing with criticism, you will find that audition and competition anxiety is increased. Sort it out and don’t hesitate to seek out professional help if necessary.
#4. In an audition situation, the result has to be subjective – an opinion from a single or select group of people. Presented with a collection of equally competent players, it must be difficult for a panel of judges to come to a majority conclusion.
In addition of course, sometimes musical “politics” play a leading role which isn’t particularly pleasant when you’re on the losing side. That happened to me very early on in my career resulting in a serious eating disorder and years of recovery.
Summing Up…
I wonder whether as classical musicians we sometimes forget that primarily we’re human beings.
Most of us have lives away from our careers and considering the competitive nature of what we do it should come as no surprise that music often makes us more prone to emotional and psychological distress. Being plagued with overwhelming anxiety is only one such example.
There should be no shame or stigma attached to recognizing you need help and it is most certainly not a sign of weakness. It’s a great pity that this doesn’t seem to be recognized within the profession as it is largely dismissed by the academics in their ivory towers and ignored by the industry which is primarily driven by profit.
Treated correctly, confronting anxiety head-on and overcoming what amounts to a psychological disability will ultimately enhance your musical understanding, interpretation and ability as a performer.
To reiterate my best advice – deal with anxiety early. Had I done so, I could have added twenty years more of active playing to my career.
